Public Footpath to Sille Bliss

I have zero regrets when it comes to my Love. It is not a fact when someone says, "You'll always have regrets when someone dies." Statements like this are opinions, usually from a person who is guilty of treating someone like shit and is trying to find some way to make themselves feel better about it. It is possible to go through life treating your parent with respect or grandparent with love, (especially as an adult who should know better) and have no regrets after they are gone from this world. It's not like you're trying to swallow boiling water.

Before my Love passed, I was always there for her - when it mattered, when it didn't. I never treated her bad, ignored her, disrespected her, leave her in a room alone while she's still talking because I didn't like who she was talking about. I didn't only visit her on her birthday, or when I needed something, or once every couple of months; especially when she needed us most during the last couple years of her being in and out of the hospital. I always had her back and hated on anyone who gossipped about her or when her 2-faced sisters would never invite her to their family gatherings/parties. 

When I did visit her, I always helped her with anything, asked her if she needed something, always offering because common sense will tell you a person is not always going to tell you what they need or would like. You don't have to hold a college degree to figure out what a person you care for and love needs to feel comfortable or stay healthy. For example, you wouldn't buy a person with diabetes a basket of sweets, chocolate bars or pan dulce, would you? You would get them a fruit basket if they like sweets or make them a sugar free cake if you must. Everything is sugar free now-a-days.

We love her, it's natural to do things for the people you love. I thought doing things like that came naturally from a person, like blinking your eyes, feeling hungry, breathing.... maybe it doesn't for all. But you also think to yourself and remember, they are elderly, they have their pride, they will never ask for help or things, but being a daughter and even a granddaughter, you just know and you just do. 

When she first got sick, never did I care or even think about asking her to sign papers so when the day did come when she died, I would get her rings she promised me. How could I ask of such a thing from my dying grandmother, much less if she was my mother!? That is pretty heartbreaking. But I guess when you do not care for the parent and it is only you and them in the room, and you think no one else is listening, it doesn't matter anyway right? It's an amazingly shocking thing how low people go and selfish they become when someone dies. 

But even after naming not even half of the horrible things I didn't do, I am still able to write a never ending list of all the wonderful loving things that I did do, and that feels amazing inside! And the thing is, I do not need to list anything that my mom and I did for my Love and my grandfather during those rough times and any other time in their lives. My Momo knew and my Popo knows...

Over the years I've learned a lot about how the people that we grew up calling family can be. I learned that they were not true family but only relatives by blood who use the word 'family' as an excuse for you to put up with, deal with, and forgive them for things you wouldn't normally do for anyone else. My family are the people who love me and care for me unconditionally, as I do them - be it blood relatives or friends. I don't go years without speaking with them, talk about them to each other behind their backs or pretend to 'like' them, what would be the point then? 

I'll say it once and I'll say it a million times, I'm so grateful and blessed in the true meaning of the word to have a mother like mine. I can never say enough of how strong and independent she had made me to be. How to respect people when they should be respected. She's taught me how to play the game when it needs to be played. When not to put up with a person's bullshit, how to ignore the ones who really do not matter in life - the jealous people who envy you and hate you because you don't care and because you aren't afraid to speak the truth. 

Yes she pisses me off and we get on each others nerves at times, but I can never see myself ever not talking to her for even a week, much less months at a time because I'm mad or because I do not want to be bothered. That isn't only because I love her but she raised me and taught me that isn't how a daughter should treat her mother - to never hold a petty grudge with your own mother and go months without speaking with her, cause that will guarantee you the 'regrets' that these heartless selfish people speak of. 

My Love was so lucky to have a daughter like my Mom. My mom may not realize this, but she was my Love's real life angel. I know my Momo is looking down in agreement :) and my Popo feels the same way. Not many people get the opportunity in life to have that in someone but my Love did. Just as my mom does in me and always will, especially when she needs me the most...