Public Footpath to Sille Bliss

Ever since I was a little girl, my grandma would say to me, "Mija when I die, I'm going to let you have my wedding rings." It's not so bad hearing that when the person telling you is healthy enough to know they got a long way to go; and even then you really don't hear the death part of it and just think about how beautiful the rings are. But then when the time comes near, it really isn't something you wanna accept or even hear. You stop thinking about how beautiful the rings are and more about the death part becoming a reality.

Up to her last stay in the hospital when I called to speak with her and while with her the day before her passing, she was still wanting to make sure I was going to "get her rings." I don't think it set in even then because my first feeling was to laugh and think she was so silly for even bringing it up.

The day my Popo came to my mom's house, I thought it was only to tell Steve and I goodbye cause we were leaving back to England the next day, but he also had my Love's wedding rings.

Before she passed I knew my grandpa would give them to me eventually, maybe when we came back to visit again. I don't know, it wasn't something I was really thinking about, even with my grandma constantly talking about it.

But there they were, safe in a little box with my name written on it; and I felt so sad. The day was here when I no longer had my Love and all that I had left were her wedding rings she always talked about me having. And all I could think was that I wanted my Love back.

I know I have so many amazing memories with my Love; so many fun times. I am lucky we even got to live with them on and off throughout my childhood and teenage years, and to have always lived less than 5 minutes away from her, even as close as just across the street for the past 15 years till now was pretty awesome too; but I still can't help wishing if I could of only had her a little longer. Once she left, all those years suddenly felt like they flew right by, in the blink of an eye.

I haven't got the rings fitted so I can wear them yet. Just looking at them in the box gets me upset. I feel like once I start wearing them I will cry even more throughout the days then I do already. I don't know.

What I do know is that I miss my Love and it really sucks that I'll never be able to see her, hug her and kiss her again for the rest of my life.